I am currently working on an engineering group project with 3 other members. As we are all very vocal and aggressive in our proposed ideas, at times we can get into heated debates during discussions on how the work should be executed as we lock horns to prove and persuade everyone about our ideas. On this fateful occasion, the discussion escalated into a major conflict between Hiro and Tina.
That day, we were sitting in a room around a discussion table. Hiro was uncharacteristically throwing in more ideas than he usually would during any discussion. On this discussion, my group mates and I were actively listening to Hiro’s ideas by noting down the key points he addressed while simultaneously nodding and maintaining eye contact with him. Tina, on the other hand, was extremely restless when Hiro was speaking. Her display of non-verbal gesture suggested that she was not in the least interested in what Hiro was saying. Instead of paying good attention, she was continuously fidgeting and shaking her left leg and was especially distracted by her phone.
Eventually, I noticed Hiro was annoyed by her. He had his eyebrows squeezed together forming a crease, and his eyelids were tight and straight. His head was slightly lowered as his eyes looked through his lowered brow whenever he got distracted by Tina. Hiro finally could not take it anymore and confronted Tina about her behavior. He asked Tina why she wasn’t giving her fullest attention and that she was a major distraction to the group. With bloodshot eyes, Tina immediately responded by flashing her index finger at Hiro and viciously shouted at him to mind his own business. Afterward, they broke out into a fierce argument.
On one side of the argument, Hiro expressed his displeasure and unhappiness towards Tina’s rudeness and inability to focus during the discussion and suggested she leave. On the other side of the argument, Tina defended herself by explaining to Hiro that her behavior was the result of “problems” she was facing and that it had nothing to do with the group and its members.
In the end, Hiro submitted himself and agreed to whatever Tina was saying. Although tensions were still high, he carried on with the discussion ignoring Tina and focusing his attention on me and the other group members. Poor Tina was left alone as she sobbed cross-legged in a corner with her phone. My other group member and I did not want to get involved in the ongoing conflict so we pretended as though nothing had happened.
What should Hiro or Tina have done or said to prevent the conflict from occurring?
Farmunication 
Hi, FarFar, that was really a rough conflict you had experienced there with your team members. It is true that conflict in the group might be inevitable as the team member have different personalities, goals, and opinions. However, there is ways for Hiro to handle the conflict well so that everyone in his team able to progress and work well together to accomplish the group project.
For instances, in Hiro’s situation, I believed the conflict is a result of perception, miscommunication, and misunderstanding. This was a bad conflict, in fact, it was poorly managed conflict. It showed that there were still opportunities for improvement. Having said that, it seemed that the problem among Hiro and Tina, they seemed not to be cooperating and working alongside with each other well.
In order to prevent the conflict from such occurrence, Hiro would apply the conflict resolution techniques of withdrawing also known as avoiding. This is when Hiro does not pursue his own concerns or those of the opponent, Tina. He does not address the conflict, sidesteps, postpones or simply withdraws since Hiro submitted himself and agreed to whatever Tina was saying. This strategy is appropriate since the cause of conflict is trivial and not worth the effort. When more important issues are pressing, which for this instances the ideas for the group project was vastly important and Hiro do not have time to deal with Tina shenanigans. By withdrawing the conflict, this is beneficial for Hiro when it is not the right time or place to confront back the issues to Tina. Hiro might have needed the time to think and collect information before he acts. This is when Hiro are unprepared and taken by surprised since Tina immediately flashing her index finger at Hiro and viciously shouted at him.
For Hiro, he seems to see that there is no chance of getting his concerns met or he would have to put forth unreasonable efforts. Hiro also would have to deal with Tina’s hostility and he seemed to be unable to handle the conflict well. He might be too emotionally involved and maybe he can approach for help from others to handle it better than him. This resulted that Hiro carried on with the discussion ignoring Tina.
However, there are possible advantages for Hiro to avoid the conflict with Tina. When the opponent, Tina is forcing or attempts aggression, Hiro may choose to withdraw and postpone his response until he is in more favourable circumstance for him to push back. Withdrawing the conflict allows Hiro taking a low stress approach since the conflict is short and not wanting to escalate further. This gives Hiro the ability and time to focus more important and more urgent issues. In this case, Hiro wants to direct his focus in his group discussions and sharing his brilliant ideas with the group. Therefore, Hiro taking an approach in avoiding conflict will give him time to better prepare and collect information before he acts.
While taking this strategy of avoiding conflict in the future, Hiro must be prepared that this may lead to weakening or losing his position in the team. Avoiding means not acting or doing anything and may be interpreted as an agreement. Using avoiding strategies without negatively affecting his own position which requires certain skill and experiences. The conflicted issues for now happened between Hiro and Tina. However, in the upcoming more group discussion session when there are multiple parties are involved in the conflict, avoiding may negatively affect Hiro’s relationship with a party that expects his action.
KhairulanwarAR
LikeLike
Hi Faris, this is indeed a situation many do not wish to find themselves in. However, I feel that Tina is at a greater fault in this situation despite her feeling a greater emotional pain after the incident.
For one, communication is a key to a good relationships be it between couples, friends or even group mates. She did not explain her difficulty to her members before hand, and hid behind her phones during the group discussion. This has led to a wrong impression as her non-verbal ques are showing to her group mates that she was uninterested in the discussion.
Furthermore, during one’s group discussion, many would want to make full use of their time efficiently. Tina is in no state to take part actively in her group discussion as she is distracted by her problems and also her phone. This would result in incorrect understanding of her group members(in this case, Hiro’s) talk and/or discussion and would only reduce productivity and efficiency in her group.
Lastly, she let emotions took over her, and express it wrongly. (burnout zone after being negative). by pointing and shouting at Hiro, she have taken a step over the line. She should have talk nicely back to Hiro(you did not mention how he confronted her, was it nicely or rudely? we do know that he was annoyed at Tina) and steer the conversation into the right direction.
In this fast pace and demanding course, it would only be right to let your group members(and also future group) know that it is ok to voice out their problem instead of affecting the group(especially on their performance or work)
-Yi Feng
LikeLike
The situation you explained was very unfortunate and I would not want to be caught in such a predicament if I had a choice. But that is not the case and we still need to know how we can handle such difficult situations when they arise to prevent friendships and relationships from taking a turn for the worse.
Tina should have voiced out her problems to the group prior the discussion to be excused from this discussion to have her problems settled before showing up for the meeting. By keeping her problems under wraps, Tina can not expect her group mates to know what is going on and will expect her to be more involved in the discussion instead of being so distracted and uncooperative.
Hiro should not have bottled up his unhappiness when he noticed Tina was not participating as much as he liked her to. He could have asked her politely when he first felt that she was distracted instead of lashing out at her before she had the opportunity to explain her actions. With Hiro and Tina being friends for quite some time, Hiro should have guessed that there might be other reason for her actions as it was probably one of the rare times where she was acting this way.
I feel that the other group members could have played a part in this situation to help maintain the relations between the group instead of pretending to not have noticed. If anyone said anything about Tina’s behavior in a more polite manner, I am positive the outcome would be a lot better than it originally played out.
LikeLike